Dear Humphrey Blogart,
I had completely forgotten about you until my dear old good friend John Borland meme-tagged me and reminded me that I don’t update it. If this blog were a garden, it would be an old bird fountain full of leaves and dead bugs and some crude cement. So, here is the meme: write 8 things about yourself. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to John for this fun task. In the middle of the day! While my brain has been hijacked by indemnification clauses and the task of slicing intellectual property licenses as thinly as pancetta (oh that they would be that tasty). Okey, je commence…
1. I wash my underthings in the shower. I’ve been doing this ever since I was a girl. I get in the shower, I wash the delicates, with shampoo. Hang dry. On the upside, I kill two birds with one clean stone. The downside is that some people that I have shared showers with don’t really like it decorated like a Venetian slum. On the upside, everyone I have ever shared showers with has been very understanding.
2. I also like to pee in the shower. What’s wrong with that??? I also like music. There is nothing wrong with that.
3. I am planning to go on the Lemon Juice Master Cleanse. Admittedly, I looked into at first because I wanted to lose weight and have a clean slate to start from, but the more I read about it, the more I became interested in the cleansing aspects of this fast. I have never fasted before because I grew up in a Chinese-American family where if you don’t eat more than what you already comfortably ate, Mama will wonder what’s wrong with you. (“You so skinny…you doing drugs?”) Anyway, I will not be putting up a play-by-day accounting of my fast, of which there are already plenty online (some with pictures of what comes out!! these pictures are worse than goatse!! there is no accounting for lack of taste, as well as bad taste, in this most democratic of forums). I have planned to do the fast with Mike in early November. You have to plan for these things! It’s 10 days at a minimum, during which you may not eat any foods and may only drink lemon juice, maple syrup, salt water, and teas. I had to stick it on the calendar for when there were no pre-planned dinner dates, traveling, parties, or family obligations.
4. I am a goldfish and will eat all of whatever is put in front of me, especially if it is a noodle, potato, or a sea creature– hence the reason for #3 above.
5. I’ve started a series of short stories for a compilation called “Silver City.” The idea is that the stories take place in a city that is in a time and place not too unlike the one I live in, but also different enough to make it seem at once futuristic/historic, but universal. I think Jim Crace and Jeanette Winters do this sort of setting for their worlds that continually surprise and delight while grounding the reader. I suppose it’s the same dynamic that I really like in certain sci-fi movies where antiquated details are melded with the futuristic and each transforms the other into something timeless. If humans ever got to figure out time travel and a common human could view life in the 4th dimension (Slaughterhouse Five), then in the same way well-traveled and adventuring humans have mixed and matched the constructs of different cultures to fit their present needs (with either novel or ridiculous results), the well-traveled and adventuring human in the 4th dimension might cherry pick all the wondrous things of the ages to form his or her own aesthetic. Klaxonator, for instance, would carry around a heavy Remington typewriter in the 22nd century, the thunking keys powered by plutonium. He’d probably be wearing a long Victorian duster along with his nifty night-vision spectacles (round-shaped, Lennon style). Very steam-punk, Diamond Age, Blade Runner, or Gattaca. Anyway, the story ideas are flowing more quickly than the writing, which is actually a relief. There was a period in my life where I knew that writing was a calling, but that I had nothing to say. Definitely all dressed up with nowhere to go.
6. Being an in-house transactional attorney actually turned out to be a pretty good job for me. I don’t think I’m rationalizing either, despite the fact that going to law school was a default. I get to help the product, technical, and business teams organize their goals and thoughts, negotiate with outside parties, and distill it down into a contract that is as clear a directive in the ever-changing flux of individual and organizational desires as it can be. This takes a lot of concentration on the trees, but also a view of the forest. It also takes a ceaseless positive attitude, butt-wiping, patience, and sometimes some kick ass moves. Kind of like being a mother! Having been on the production and operations side, I do kind of miss the hands-on-the-wheel aspects of those types of jobs, but I don’t miss the constant putting out of fires and soothing of egos that being an Operations Director required. Now, I get to advise, organize, and get the deal done. Everyone always overestimates their importance and legacy– I’ve learned that over and over, and I think it’s a good observation of the working life. The best part of my job? Flying sideways.
7. For someone who does nothing for a living that proudly saves the world, or nothing for a living if it’s not a daily exercise in finding common ground (others call it compromise), I DO like my fictional characters to be obstinate in their passions and reckless with their fate. Like the character Sonmi451 in David Mitchell’s Cloud Atlas. How I loved her character! If I disappeared one day and bandied about an apocryphal alter ego, she would be like Sonmi451. The only time I even approach her level of existence is when I have a couple martinis on an empty stomach.
8. I am a sucker for photos and making them. It’s gotten worse as I get older, although this is probably the tendency of the culture as a whole as we thrash about in Web 2.0 user-generated, mass-regurgitated, plentiful, abundant, overwhelming “content.” But yes, I find that I shutterbug to an extreme– to the point where sometimes I just have to leave my camera at home if I know I want to actually engage in the event that we’re going to. On the one hand, I find this addictive tendency a distinguishing feature in my character (a so-called “good flaw”). Some days I find it depressing, as it may point up my inability to engage without the protections that my camera–an assault device (according to Susan Sontag)– affords me.
Done and done. See who I’ve tossed the meme to next and next.
